Stumbling Toward 2009

Over the holidays, I was given the illustrious WII Fit board and game. Finally gathering the energy (or courage) to try it I was a bit disappointed to have it point out to me something I was struggling with my whole life: it said I was off balanced. While its version of being unbalanced and mine were different, the essence was the same. It questioned my ability to walk. "Do you find yourself tripping when you walk?" it asked. I feel like I trip every chance I get. Looking back over the past year as well as my life as a whole, I see reflected back at me the mistakes, injuries, and failures. I see the mistakes I made with my children: Am I a good enough mother to them? ; My injuries to others whether in words or deeds: He is hurting becaue of me; My failures: Why didn't that art piece get accepted? No where in these instances did I see any good that has come out of my actions. I was just another individual lost on the concept of politics, drowning in the economy's woes as they say and feeling the pull of depression reining in after all these years without it.

While engaging my inner dialogue with self pity, I tried distracting myself with Facebook's various applications. One was the Cause page. As many of you know or have sent them yourself, it gives you an opportunity to belong to a cause that holds a special meaning for you and to pass that on to others to learn about it as well. I stopped on the home page and saw the word impact. What impact? other than my electric bill taking a hit from me being on the internet too much, I could not see the bigger picture. Maybe... the again...Maybe this was a start. Perhaps the things I saw over the years were a bit out of perspective. I began to think of the times when my eldest who is 7 would enjoy making handmade cards for those who were lonely or sick. For the times my youngest who is 4 ralized that others are not as lucky as us and wanted to share his blankets since he "had so many". Maybe I was a part of that...the impact. Maybe there was good in supporting my husband even when I feel I often disappoint with my antics of OCD. I look to a resume I can be proud of and strive to try harder in the new year.

So while I am off balanced and stumbling yet again toward a new year with my family and friends at my side, at least I know someone will catch me if I fall because I am not alone. Neither are you. Have a wonderful New Year!