Over the holidays, I was given the illustrious WII Fit board and game. Finally gathering the energy (or courage) to try it I was a bit disappointed to have it point out to me something I was struggling with my whole life: it said I was off balanced. While its version of being unbalanced and mine were different, the essence was the same. It questioned my ability to walk. "Do you find yourself tripping when you walk?" it asked. I feel like I trip every chance I get. Looking back over the past year as well as my life as a whole, I see reflected back at me the mistakes, injuries, and failures. I see the mistakes I made with my children: Am I a good enough mother to them? ; My injuries to others whether in words or deeds: He is hurting becaue of me; My failures: Why didn't that art piece get accepted? No where in these instances did I see any good that has come out of my actions. I was just another individual lost on the concept of politics, drowning in the economy's woes as they say and feeling the pull of depression reining in after all these years without it.
While engaging my inner dialogue with self pity, I tried distracting myself with Facebook's various applications. One was the Cause page. As many of you know or have sent them yourself, it gives you an opportunity to belong to a cause that holds a special meaning for you and to pass that on to others to learn about it as well. I stopped on the home page and saw the word impact. What impact? other than my electric bill taking a hit from me being on the internet too much, I could not see the bigger picture. Maybe... the again...Maybe this was a start. Perhaps the things I saw over the years were a bit out of perspective. I began to think of the times when my eldest who is 7 would enjoy making handmade cards for those who were lonely or sick. For the times my youngest who is 4 ralized that others are not as lucky as us and wanted to share his blankets since he "had so many". Maybe I was a part of that...the impact. Maybe there was good in supporting my husband even when I feel I often disappoint with my antics of OCD. I look to a resume I can be proud of and strive to try harder in the new year.
So while I am off balanced and stumbling yet again toward a new year with my family and friends at my side, at least I know someone will catch me if I fall because I am not alone. Neither are you. Have a wonderful New Year!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Hello All, I wanted to share with you a new series of paper dolls I am doing called the Anyones. It is about two children called Henry and Gretchen Eneone (pronounced Anyones) who live in a house greatly need of repairs. Their favorite place to play is in the attic. There are various creatures called Dwyers and Omis ( helper of humans). They have befriended the children. One day the brother and sister discover a portal to another world hidden among their stacks of books. They easily cross the path into the world of Rayven and meet Chal, the leader and teacher. This is the first book of their adventures. The book contains the three figures which can be removed and placed in different settings . The book has interactive features as well.(Digital collage sheets used from the wonderful digitalcollagesheets.com Enjoy and as always love to know your thoughts
Posted by Tammy at 3:28 PM
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.
I found this quote to be perfect. Lately it has been feeling a lot like Christmas to me but not in the way you may expect. I won't sugar coat it: things have been tough. Not just for my family (with my husband's job loss), but to those around us as well. People aren't buying like they usually do the economists say. We are in a recession (they just figured that out?) None of this is news to many of us. Then again maybe the economists aren't seeign what I'm seeing. Yeah, people are still spending, but amybe not as much for themselves. Maybe they are spending it on gifts more practical such as food to a family in need, or donating brand new items to make soemone's Christmas a bit more pleasant and easier. SO in the spirit of the upcoming season, I have to say that yeah since being on the receiving end of holiday cheer for the past 5 months, it sure feels like Christmas to me.
Posted by Tammy at 3:46 PM
Monday, October 20, 2008
Things have been well....here lately. Not too much of interest. No word on the job front (my husband has been out of work for nearly 4 months.) I have been starting to feel a bit self pitying. Why shouldn't I, I tell myself? I can if I want to be right? Then you read the newspaper wiping the crumbs that had fallen from a crisp bagel with cream cheese on the page. The blatant fact that I can write that I had a bagel with cream cheese nonetheless shows that I have no right to self pity. Well maybe a little :) Still....there are those that have lost their homes due to no fault of their own (fires, disasters) or those that should have thought things more carefully (mortgage crisis). Either way, I still have my house, two beautiful kids and a dedicated husband who has every right to be more self pitying than I do but isn't. We have bagels and boxes of cream cheese to eat over the morning paper if we so choose. There is still ham and chicken for dinners and an occasional night out courtesy of my father's generosity. I have my family and friends who care to listen to my self deprication and rambles of the way I wish things could be and why they aren't that way and how slow everything is taking. I hear the radio (yes I also have all 5 senses in tact too and a radio to boot!) The song Take One Step At a Time by Jordan Sparks....reminds me to take those baby steps and in time things will happen that are suppose to when they are suppose to even if it goes against my plan (and I have a detailed plan mind you.). So leaving it out there....take one step maybe two but don't forget to stop and smell the cream cheese on that bagel on your way and be grateful that you can.
Posted by Tammy at 3:31 PM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Sleeping and hospitals are rarely synonymous, but in this case, a sleeping was exactly what you were supposed to do. Jake had been told that he needed to get a sleep study done even after his ear tubes were put in. He apparently has enlarged tonsils, still snores, and the prospect is not looking good for him to avoid getting his tonsils out. Being the 4 year old he is, he was brave and was looking forward to our "sleepover" as I had called it. My biggest fear was getting down there without getting lost. Once that hurdle was solved, we then went off to begin our new adventure.
The hospital seemed different at night. I had been there before when he had gotten his tubes in and it was livelier, more bustle. Now it was quiet, with sleepy children roaming the halls, along with the oncoming night shift. The imagination and fun didn't end even near bedtime however. Jake was enamoured with the idea of a McDonald's in a hospital. How cool is that!!! Even though I had taken him for McDonald's that afternoon, we just had to get fries. After our trip, we returned with steaming fries in a greasy bag and grins like cheshires to our room. Reading stories during the setup helped to ease Jake's uncomfortable ordeal. Nothing hurt...but the gel and "stickies" as they were called were cold and a bit irritating to him. The staff however was fantastic! They were sweet and informative and helped Jake open up. As of now, I can only guess at the results. He tossed and turned, snored like a lion and moved around quicker than a jackrabbit. Needless to say, nothing out of the ordinary. Me on the other hand, barely slept at all. 5 star hotel the couch was not:)
We were up at 6 am and had the get the wires removed. The gel had to be wiped down (that is impossible to get out!!!) before we were ready to be moving on. He got a big hug from me as we waved goodbye to the staff and made our way down the hallways to leave. We passed by the oncology department on our way out. For a moment, I found myself clutching Jake's hand a bit tighter. After all, sleeping is nothing.
Posted by Tammy at 1:14 PM
Friday, September 12, 2008
I am so excited!!! Only two more weeks till my book arrives in stores!!! Now comes the tricky part of promoting it....hmmm... any ideas? Suggestions are welcomed! I am new to the world of blogging and must admit I am terrible at it but wanted to give it a try anyway. So here it goes.... about the book. Here is the cover (obviously!) Inside are various pieces of eye candy meant to inspire brides-to-be (or their creative friends for that matter:) to make gifts for others in remembrance of that once in a lifetime day! There are several projects inside ranging from gift boxes, jewelry, journals (of course!) and much much more. One of my personal faves is on the cover (the bird box with necklace made for a bridesmaid or even a maid of honor.) It is simply done yet holds an exquisite edge to it. Well...I suppose I should go into more detail but....I won't:) I am trying to sell books here right?? LOL! Thanks! Any comments welcomed. Please please give me advice on how to do this!!!!!
Posted by Tammy at 2:01 PM